The History of my World according to Bella.

Darth Vader arrives in the Universe.  Debates going another direction during the construction of his home base until a Storm Trooper calls him a pussy.  Dainty Pink Daisy Star morphs into Giant Black Ball o' Death.  Storm Troopers forevermore forced to wear white after Labor Day.

Embarrassed to be seen in public, Troopers take to a life of petty crime.  Selling stolen Viagra on the Black Market, kicking puppies, jayhovering...  Broken men with no true talent or stage presence, they quickly tax an already ailing Tatooine financial system and seemingly overnight cause their little piece of the Galaxy to be referred to as Austin, TX.

Madness ensues.

But awesomeness prevails.  And in the throes of this great enlightenment, Mace Windu decides to build a giant army to wipe-out the influx of transients that have taken over the star system's public bathrooms, stellar overpasses and Solar Starbucks entryways...

And they do just that.

And so does Yoda.

And so does Han.

And so does...

Um.

Well, this guy... not so much.




The End.

My NERD juices are a'flowin!

So excited!  So excited!  Click here to see what's got this Sci-Fi chick all amped up!

George Lucas... 

My undying gratitude and heart forever you have had.

YES!

Down the Rabbit Hole

I am now the proud owner of a burned copy of "What The Bleep Do We Know?"

Up until last Friday at 4:13pm I was unaware that this documentary-style movie even existed.  My IT guy was at my desk exchanging my old printer with a new fancy one and was under the impression that my twisty little brain would enjoy it so he burned me a copy.

After a quick round of Google, I have become very interested in watching this.  Brain... EXPLORE!

I come from the water.

But I don't drink enough of it.  On the contrary, perhaps I do.  There is water in beer and beer is in my top 4 list of favorite things.

My Favorite Things:

Polar Bears
Foreign Accents
The Smell of Gasoline
Beer
Crunchy Pickles
Being Licked by a Cow
FauxHawks
Anticipation
Slutty Halloween Costumes
Black Toenail Polish
Lara Croft
Ranch Dressing
Muscle Cars
Amusement Park Rides That Drop Straight Down
Peacocks

One day I will write a book that incorporates each and every one of those things.  Until then, I will just have dreams that I'm wearing a naughty nurse outfit while on the back of a polar bear while drinking beer.

Ooooooooh yeah.

A song for one mass. Perhaps not the masses.

I was cleaning out my trunk and found an old journal.  I remember writing the following lyrics after becoming so angry I contemplated physical assault:

You've made something out of nothing
Dusty ashes now your skin
With a touch but not like Midas
You've changed gold to dirt again.

You're a master of destruction
You break everything you see
Like a virus, you spread quickly
And you've poisoned parts of me.

So stay down deep
And drown in mud
That is cleaner than your lies.
You're so easy
And transparent
I can see through your disguise.
Nothing special
You're no different
Fucking sheep - you follow blind.
Just a sad joke
With no punchline
I'll erase you from my mind.



Anger is good creative fodder.

I eat toast for breakfast.

Recently, I met a gentleman who has entirely too many things in common with me.  So much so that this afternoon, I asked him if he thought we were relations.   Gladly, he thinks we are not.

It's funny when things happen and situations arise when you least expect it. 

I suppose to really get use out of that fact I should walk around constantly thinking about how I will not win the lottery or ever live in Malibu.  Perhaps reverse psychology can actually work on your own psyche.  An interesting hypothesis indeed.

Have you ever had the freedom to tell another human being anything and not be judged?  I believe that I have accidentally stumbled upon it.  It's an interesting feeling.